my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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