Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
