but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
