i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
