I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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