my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
