I've blown a few things in my day
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
