Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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