For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
