Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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