We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
