I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
