He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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