my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
