To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My feet surprised me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
