I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
