there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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