went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
