Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
