So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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