I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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