somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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