I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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