I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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