I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
