It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
