new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
