It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
