And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
