it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
