1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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