Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
