pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
