Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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