My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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