I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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