he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
