I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
