im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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