The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
