DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
