There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I am one with the molecules
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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