FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
