Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
