can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
