OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
