I want to have your abortion
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
