Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
