it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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