ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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