I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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