are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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