I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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