Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
