Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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