then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
