I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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