I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
