Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just had sex bonerless
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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