I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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