She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
