trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
