Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
