WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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